Dust in the Wind

When creating that blog I promised myself not to do it political. Not that I am not interested what's going on in our world, but because it is to be my peaceful asylum, searching for the balance in my life, which I started to loose.

The reason I'm breaking my rule is a heated debate about Lebanon- Israel conflict I spotted on www.benjaminheine.blogspot.com . I happen to have studied law and while my studies and preparation to my master degree, I traced ongoing military conflicts, it's consequences for civilian, economy and global relations. As I have noticed war is a great business- started for political, fundamentalist or any other reasons, it finally makes someone rich and the others starving. No matter how noble or justified the reasons are they fade away with the war-dust and all is left are loosers! People being slaughtered, women and children raped and displaced, druged kids killing with machine guns, people sold into slavery ( oh no, slavery didn't end with abolition!!!), used for prostitution... And I can count many more horrors which people create for other human beings. And we call ourselves wiser than animals... One of polish writers once wrote that the last war between people will be the fighting with stones. Unfortunately I must agree- every conflict, regardless human technological progress, makes us turn back to our beginning. And that's a very sad conlusion for today!

I Can't Stop! (But I Will)

The August ends with a cold- my nose is running, my lungs are fighting with constant caughing and I have a lot of spare time out of work... And what am I doing? Let me count- the fridge is dirty, there's a horrific need for using washing machine, oh... and of course the ironing- my best! And then dusting, not mentioning the piles of documents that need to be at last put into order (if such word can be appropriate for what is "my" order)...

And there are tens of books I have no time to read, DVD films that I haven't yet seen ...

But well, shit!!! I need time for my pleasure, the rest MUST wait!!! I will make myself a cup of delicious cafe latte, play my favourite Beady Belle music, slip into my bed and take a new book to read. Yeah, this is what I'm gonna do... But first I have to set on a dishwasher, and then ... Gosh, I'm killing myself...

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My July flowers

No Good News

It's raining cats and dogs and I'm feeling under the weather.

The life goes on, and so on, bla,bla,bla...

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Such a distant memory it seems ... July...

The Rainbow

Today I saw the most beautiful rainbow in my life.

Its robust arch was brightly glowing over the sodden, gleaming road I was travelling. From the ambigous beginning, hidden in the tree tops, to the blurred ending somewhere by the horizon, the rainbow overwhelmed me with its magnitude and charmed with the vividness of colours. Minutes after it showed its astounding beauty, grim clouds crept in and hazed over the sun- the sun, whose rays gave birth to that colourful feast. That's how the rainbow, which basked in reflected glory of it's distant parent, faded away never to be seen again.

Working Your Ass Off

Today I was at the business meeting with a manager of 3 polish branches of a huge international transport and logistics company. We talked over points of our future contract, which hopefully will bring our company nice income. The man was a perfect example of modern yuppie- young, well-earning and overworked businessman with great ambition but no time for himself. As far as I learned travelling between 3 offices spread around Poland takes most of his time. I didn't spot a wedding ring on his finger, so I assumed he's a bachelor.

We talked more than an hour and not even a faked smile appeared on his face. He seemed very strict, demanding and rational- all a good manager should be. While talking he looked straight into our eyes, listened carefully to our every word, as we have presented him facts and information he had no idea about, but somehow sometimes I felt he simply looked down on us. I got to know he has started his work there not long ago and was not liked by his coworkers, who feel he plays smart and is unkind for people around. Well, he indeed makes such an impression. And it made me wonder, whether he enjoys his work and finds it comfortable.

The job, which usually takes most of each adult's life, should give not only money, but also a pleasure and fulfilment of one's ambition and goals. I am lucky to do what I like- my job is creative, many things depend on my decisions, and although sometimes it is very stressful, it also gives a great deal of satisfaction and good money. But many of my friends, though bright and educated, can't find such job. Their work, as they constantly grizzle, is boring and gives no satisfaction. I don't know if it is because of their approach, which from the start constitutes resentment, or the wrong choosing of the kind of profession they are in.

Nevertheless, finding a job which makes You feel good, seems to be a hard work to do.

Dirty Rhyming

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He smelled like a sin

What else could I do?

I totally gave in

... It was quarter past noon ...

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Atheism

For centuries we've been told that human being is nothing without religion- only it makes us different from animals. But now, when religion turns out to be a source of murderous violence, the explanation that christian, muslim or hindu fundamentalists overuse and deform religion, is not enough.

The atheism should be once again brought back to favours as it's the only way to maintain peace. The lesson of modern terrorism shows that if God exists, for people who are acting "in god's will"everything is possible and justified - including killing of thousands of innocent people.

Fundamentalists do (what they feel is) good to fullfill god's will and earn redemption. On contrary, atheists do good beacuse they feel it should be done that way, because either way they would have compunctions.

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Those are just few conclusions from the article I recently read by Slavoj Zizek- modern philosopher. Conclusions I fully indetify with.

I choose to be an atheist.

The Beauty of August Holidays (photo by Leszek Bołtruczuk)

Four seasons of my life

I couldn't anticipate it coming.

Or maybe I'm just lying to myself as every spring and summer the same feelings flood my mind. Something beautiful invades my stable life, turns it upside down, leaves me with pondering heart and wet eyes, longing for a gentle and bright one whose softly spoken words would soothe my anxiety.

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And then comes the fall; always sad and depressing and cold in every way. I'm getting tired of life, everything stops to have even a slightest sense. Words seem to be pointless and vehement winds blow away good thoughts.

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The first snow always breaks my heart reminding carefree childhood and snowmen with carrot noses stolen from my mum's kitchen. But then the frost and cold freeze my warm memories to death. All that's left melts with dirty snow smashed by cars on icy roads. The sadness flees away with Christmas time, to come back and in anticipation wait for the spring to burst with its colours and aromas.

Infatuation

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There's a magic I can't hold

Your smile of honey gold

and that You never seem to be in short supply of

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Infatuation: surreptitious glances, shivering to every touch, neverending lonliness...

Love: trust, support, neverending future ... boredom???

Cruelty

Time: Couple of weeks ago, Sunday morning

Location: bus stop

Me: alone, but not lonely

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It was very early, around 8 a.m. Having only a backpack ,I was sitting alone, slowly drinking joghurt and feeling total laziness. Suddenly a blue car slowly passed me by. I wouldn't even notice it, but somebody shouted at me. Turning my eyes, I realised the car was packed with teenaged, made-up girls. One of them pulled her head through the window and shouted aloud with anger : "Hey, you stupid whore !!! Wanna fuck with me ? !!!". The rest laughed. It struck me. "What tha fuck?"- I thought, but I didn't react, slowly looking at them turning the next bend. My heart started beating faster. Was I afraid of the bunch of stupid whores, probably coming back drunk from a disco or another fucking party? ... Yes, ... and that destroyed my harmony. It suddenly occured to me that if those were teenage boys I wouldn't be so afraid. And then it flashed my mind they can come back, as it did look like a way to provoke me.

I'm not a person who can be easily frightened; many times I was coming back late at night alone, having no fear of being attacked. Well, maybe that's simply senseless, but the city doesn't frighten me. And now, in the break of the day, I got scared. I got scared beacuse the tone of her voice was so cool and cruel and provoking at the same time. And I reminded myself the statistics showing that girls and women can be far more cruel and dangerous than men.

"Where the hell is that bus?"- it crossed my mind... I got really nervous, all the time looking around- nobody but me. And then the fears became reality- the car appeared once again and turned into my direction. All I could do was to keep my head up high- so I don't look like a helpless victim, and don't catch eye contact- so I don't provoke anyone. The car passed me slowly, I saw them staring at me, but tried to remain cool. Luckily, out of the corner of my eye I saw the bus closing to the bus stop. Those stupid whores must have spotted it also and the car went away. "Ufff" - I thought sitting comfortably in a totally uncomfortable bus seat.

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And now something more on cruelty of women. "Girls playing with fish"- I would call it. I took the picture in July.

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Emily and the Fall

Nothing. Completely nothing.

A disastrous melancholy fell on my troubled mind. And all because of the aroma of august apples that filled my house. The smell which always brings the fall into my life.

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HOW happy is the little stone
That rambles in the road alone,
And doesn’t care about careers,
And exigencies never fears;
Whose coat of elemental brown
A passing universe put on;
And independent as the sun,
Associates or glows alone,
Fulfilling absolute decree
In casual simplicity.

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Emily Dickinson (one of my favourite poets)

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Take a look at all of Emily Dickinson's work: http://www.bartleby.com/113/