Creativity? Forget it!

It's been long since I was here last time! Sorry! I've been struggling with my throat illness but mostly I still struggle with the lack of inspiration. No time to wonder and wander. I spent my free time rearranging my house, cleaning piles of dust and dirt in the corners of my rooms what leaves just few seconds to read or watch something. I feel my creativity is at the level zero. Hope it will get better. I simply have to push myself and motivate somehow. Any advice?? Anyone??

They call it Halloween, I call it Memory

Forgive me the lack of inspiration that fell upon me in October. I'm a working girl, adrenaline hits my head, too many things to focus on.

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But tomorrow will be the day of peace.

No matter whether You believe in god or You don't, each of us has relatives, the love ones, who are not with us anymore. Bones turned into ashes are blown away by the wind. It's the memory that lives. It's that simple- just don't forget.

Nobel Prize

Nobel prize in literature for Doris Lessing- prolific english writer.

Honestly speaking I've never before read any book or story by her, but I'm pleased that due to the Nobel prize I will have a chance to discover her prose. For those who also aren't familiar with Doris Lessing's writing, here's the link to her story "The Stare" published in The New Yorker (the magazine I truly adore for its intelligent and witful articles and fiction stories).

Nora and James

What a beautiful movie- "Nora" by Pat Murphy. The story of the life long relationship between Nora Barnacle and James Joyce. The hard love, full of great passion, but also pain of misunderstanding and sacrifice. Nora was Joyce's muse and inspiration. Their unconventional relation resulted also in controversial letters sent to each other, full of intimate and erotic parts, which unfortunately were never published by Joyce's relatives.

Back to the movie, James Joyce by Ewan McGregor was in my opinion one of this actor's finest performance.

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The movie reminded me of John Huston's marvellous film- "The Dead", based on the last novel in "Dubliners" by James Joyce. The incredible atmosphere and the care for every detail, makes the movie a masterpiece. It was so influential, that after watching it I couldn't help, but read "Dubliners". That's when I discovered Joyce's genious prose

27th Birthday

What can be better than Birthday on lazy Sunday day?

The birthday cake is still in the oven, filling the house with marvellous smell,

the radio playing smooth jazzy songs and blues.

And it doesn't matter that it's gloomy outside,

beacuse the warmth of my home wraps me all around.

Home, sweet home on my Birthday.

My love ones on my Birthday.

Happiness is a small thing, right here in my heart.

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And that's how it was on my 1st Birthday

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Thanks Ben

Hi everybody! Let me introduce myself in picture this time. So, here I am!
That wonderful cartoon of me and my husband was made by a great artist Ben Heine,
whose talent and creativity are simply infinite.
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See Ben, how happy You made me!
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I'll consider Your gift as a birthday present.
I'm turning 27 on the 7th of October.

Scrapbooking

Scrapbooking is so alluring. I love looking at those tiny, creative works of art. I even bought few accessories to start scrapbooking by myself. But ... I'm afraid nothing but the s... will come out of it. However, I wouldn't be me if I didn't try. So maybe I'll show You some of my work (if they ever come to live).

How do You feel about scrapbooking?

Any valuable advice You can give me?

Traveler's Soul

Do You happen to know who Ian Wright or Megan McCormick are? Anyone?

Probably You don't, unless You watch Travel Channel or Discovery Channel Adventure. They are both travelers, hosting their own travel programmes in the series Globe Trekker. Why do I mention them?

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Firstly,because if I have more than a one free day (which is now, as I suffer from acute laryngitis), I love to indulge in watching travelling programmes. Yeah, the soul of the adventurer wakes up in my troubled existance, and with the click on the remote control, I can find myself anywhere I want. It's cheap, it's fascinating and of course ... it's lame, as it has nothing, I mean nothing to do with the adventure and travel. But, it's the first step to the real travelling and excitement, as there has to be a dream and desire for something to happen. And what's better way to make it burn, than firstly seeing those places and people on the Tv? It works for me, 'cause I'm a really curious person, always wanting to try everything on my own skin. Those programmes definately make my imagination work. And although I'm not a chronic traveler, my inner curiosty of the world made me travel to couple of places and countries I dreamed of. And you know what- I loved it.

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Coming back to travelers, both Ian and Megan, are great hosts, which makes a real pleasure and fun discovering the world with them. What makes a traveler a good host? It's great sense of humour, curiosity, being open towards other people, but sometimes also being courages and ready for sacrifice and really crazy things that may happen- for instance hunting for anacondas. As for me, such host also has to be an erudite, but in both witty and comprehensible way. Such are Globe trekker presenters, which makes it one of the best travellers' quides programmes I've ever seen.

Sisterhood

Teenagers. How difficult it is to sort out the problems when You're 13-14 and Your sister is 4 years younger than You? Believe me- I knew it. It seemed like the life she lived was totally different. Nothing in common, nothing to share, constant fighting. Nothing to talk about, because she couldn't understand problems I had, and I was far too immature to be understanding and help with her "childlish" issues.

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Yes, I remember those years, and I also remember when it changed. It wasn't when I was 19- 20, but it happened I quess 3-4 years ago. It was when my sis was stepping into adult life, when the decisions she was to make were to determine what she'll do in her life, when she realised the responsibility for her actions and the future she had in front of her.

But it was also when I was mature enough to understand her, help her, and simply say "I love You", "I care for You". When I realised she has her own feelings and the right to make her own decisions in life. That's when I grew up to be supportive, not only nagging and giving advice.

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We can disagree with each other, but we'll never fight. We'll help each other and support. I can surely say that she's one of my best friends. And it's so funny to see, that although we also thought we are totally different from each other, indeed we make the same mistakes and think the same things.

No wonder- we are Sisters.

The City I live in

I came up with an idea to show and tell You a little bit about the city I live in. If You know where Poland is :), then look on its North- East end. There You'll find the largest city of the region- Białystok .
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The population of my city is almost 300 000 citizens, so it's not so small for people to know each other, but it's also not that big, that You have to travel from one side to the other for hours, waiting in traffic. As for me it's just fine.

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More historical details You'll find following the link- Białystok, but in short, the first mention of the place in historical sources dates from 1437, but it received its city charter in 1749. From those days we have left many beautiful buildings. The most magnificent would be Branicki palace, which is surrounded by massive park with lots of charming benches and fountains. It's definately the place where couples in love can find a little peace cuddling, students come there after classes or exams, but it's also a great place for a Sunday walk, or a bike ride.

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Białystok is a city with university. In Branicki Palace there is now a medical school. Near the Branicki park You'll find the building of the university law school, where I did my master degree in criminology.

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More pictures to come soon.

September came

September weather- not summer and not yet autumn. But it's lukewarm and the Sun makes the whole day bright. I had a week without rehersals, as we simply were overworked during August and we deserved the break. So much of free time, few moments for myself and to take care of house duties. I thought I lost the ability to notice and cherish the moments, but it was simply the rush and haste of the days, which didn't let me stop. Today when I went to take care of some business in the city I took a moment to simply sit down on the bench and listen to the birds singing their good-bye to summer days. It was wonderful!

Fragile Health

Few days ago I happened to visit diabetology ward in one of our city hospitals. Thank God it had nothing to do with my health, but my job, nevertheless though it made me feel depressed. Long, gloomy, filthy lounges remebering the 70-ties, overwhelming silence. I wouldn't like to work there nor be there under any circumstances ever! It made me instantly imagine myself dying alone on squeaking hospital bed, surrounded by the mournful silence of those sad, hostile rooms. And that made dying even more frightening than it already is.

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One good thing- in the waiting room where I spend few minutes, I got to know about diabetes. And I tell You, if You don't take proper care, it can get really, I mean really messy.

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On the back in the days yellow walls, information boards with medical companies ads, not even trying to be discreet. Yeah, ill people are the hell of a market. They will pay whatever money for whatever medicine giving even the slightest chance for the cure. That's called basic instinct- staying alive with whatever means it takes.

Speaking of the devil, I'm on antibiotics therapy now. Having so many singing jobs obliges me to be healthy. I can't fail- noone of my band can. So even the slightest pain in my throat, even the quietest sneeze or a drop from my nose makes my alarm RING. No time for waiting to see what will come out of it. I go straight to my doctor for the imidiate cure- no matter the cost.

Recipe

What's the best way to start lazy Saturday morning?
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1. Wake up
2. Make Yourself a cup of latte
3. Eat light breakfast (mozarella with tomatoes will be just fine)
4. Turn on Your best radio station and enjoy the music they play.
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As for me the best time is 11 o'clock when in my radio they play mexican music. I turn it on loud and there's no possibility that that music will fail. I don't speak spanish, but thanks to the Wojciech Cejrowski, who is the host of the programme, I know what they sing about, though the energy and passion of the music would do just fine even without knowing the words. Whether it's sunny, stifling morning or gloomy, rainy one, I quarantee that latin music will wake You up to Your best.

I simply can't do

Oh, I'm mad with myself. Mad that I neglect writing here. Every thought that comes my mind evaporates before I manage to get down to my computer or at least my notebook. It's frustrating. I even think of making a resolution to write every day, to put down the thoughts crowding here and there in my blonde mind, but I hate when something goes not the way I want it, so I think I better leave the things the way they are.

Musing on Outlaw

I love english movies. The comedies are so down-to-earth, so bitter- sweet- they talk of real life. They show ordinary people, struggling with everyday problems. So is with their drama movies. I've just seen "Outlaw" by Nick Love.

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No american commercial movie can show what european movie does. I'm in sheer horror, beacuse violence showed in the movie can really happen to everyone walking on the street. Just few hours ago, when I went outside to put the trash into dustbin, I got scared by the man, who suddenly appeared in front of me, simply out of nowhere, walking fast, with anxious moves. It made my heart beat faster, muscles tensed- just for 2 seconds maybe. The man passed me by and I rushed to the doors trying to hear what's going on beside my back. I'm not particularly scared of my town. Never nothing bad happened to me. But I quess that's only my false impression, which slowly makes my instict sleepy. And that can be dangerous.

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"Outlaw" shows violence, shows people who stood up against it and got sucked into the vicious circle that violence gets people into. Should we fight criminals their way, when legal defence is not enough? Where does it lead us? But isn't it justified to come back to the "eye for an eye" rule? So hard to speak on that issue, no answer is good enough. And that what makes it so terrifying- living in the world ruled by national codes and international rights, so neat, so polished, so faked, we fail in the eyes of the unexpected. And that reminds me of the thing I'm scared the most- becoming a victim of senseless, mean act of violence. The one You can't understand, can't explain, can't predict and can't prevent.

I'm afraid of Helplessness...

Rejoice- Friday evening

Ahhh, the hasty day at work is over. I'm at home, took a long, cool shower and chill out laying naked on the bed. I have a free weekend so I'm planning nice evenings with my Man. At last a moment of peace in my life. And I'm gonna enjoy it and drink till the last drop and I'm gonna love it. Cook something delicious, buy couple of bottles of good wine, watch some movies and read. Wishing You the same on that hot, summer, friday evening.

Shit

There are days when out of nowhere I'm angry with everything that comes my way. I'm rude, picky and nervous about every small shit that happens not the way I want it. And today is the day!

All office appliances don't work fast enough, business matters I'm responsible for fail, coffee spills all over the officce floor...

And there's nothing I can do about it- You have to live with it!

SHIT

Si-fi crap?

No time for myself... or maybe no inspiration due to the massive amount of things on my head. That's I quess the reason I can't find the motivation to write. All of my free time I spend reading- this time amazing Sergey Lukyanenko. It' s the first si-fi and fantasy author I'm reading. His "Night watch " and "Day watch" impressed me a lot and changed my attitude towards si-fi novels.

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Though I never read one, I had already fixed opinion, that they are boring. And as much as I looove good si-fi movies, that much I resented si-fi novels or maybe rather fantasy novels, which I quess differ. I quess it was because they always brought me on mind manga cartoons or RPG games with thousands of crazy creatures like dwarf and ogrs. Yeah, I love Lord of the Rings, but too much is too much.

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And then my friend Daniel told me about Sergey Lukyanenko and borrowed me "Night watch". And I quess that was the best choice to start the journey with si-fi novels. So, if any of You happens to have the same doubts as me- don't hesitate to read Lukyanenko.

Relationshit

Relationships end.

Sometimes it comes naturally, sometimes it's a surprise.

It's either quiet or with shouting and swearing.

Nevertheless, something ends and the void stays.

The new chapter begins- being alone.

And that's the hard time.

So Sis, keep holding on. I have faith in You.

Things WILL get better.

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Something to cheer You up- Relationshit by Dane Cook.

Afternoon Reflections

Hey, little girl with the wind in Your long, blonde hair! What is there going on in Your head? How grand is the amazement that blinked in Your blue eyes? Is that Green leaf on the ground sooo interesting? What do You see, that is so invisible to me? And those fountains, and flowers, and sweet doggy walking near an old man's leg…? I couldn't stop wondering… Sitting today in the park, on the bench in front of the row of beautiful fountains, resting after tiring bicycle ride, I indulged in that childlish innocence that was wandering all around.

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Small girls riding scooters, trying to catch pigeons that gather there in hope for a fine feast. A little boy walking hand in hand with his mother, trying so hard to free himself from her grasp, to catch some freedom and use that just acquired ability to walk and run without support. Stubborn 4 years old lady with a funny ponytail just on the top of her head, jumping and singing songs, seeming not to hear her grandmother's calling.

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Learn from children- I shivered to realise. Their curiosity, happiness, amazement by the wonders of the world is what we lose, forget, shadow when growing up. And if You got to thinking, those are features that make us creative, and creativity is the divinity in us.
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When coming back I saw teenagers cuddling on benches- first infatuations, first kisses, discovering sexuality. And it struck me- Everything is a cycle. Everything starts, reapeats and ends, just to start again. We come to live, we love, we perish. The circle of life. And life is beautiful. And so are people.
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Today is my sister's birthday- she turns 23 and it seems to be a new chapter in her life. On the birthday card I wished her to cherish every second, as every moment brings something beautiful, and understanding this means starting to live a full life. I love You Sis- no matter what! Happy Birthday!