The Path of Mine

Although I feel about myself as an agnostic, the opinions of Michael Apler are a little bit shocking to me and I don't fully agree with the kind of message he conveys. But it's right to be open and pursue for the truth about myself, even if it means stepping on rough-hewn, stoned path.

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I was brought up in christian faith, with Jesus teaching us how to live and Almighty God punishing for the wrong deeds. But the moment I started to embrace the life, when I realised the multitude of visions of gods and philosophies it made me think deeper, made me dig into the issues I was so strongly advised to believe in.

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Firstly, I started to deny the role of women in christian religion. How it happened that suddenly roman godesses, and women following them, disappeared from political and religious life? The era of men began. Well it could be understood in secular life, but wasn't it time when church had influence on almost every part of human life? All discrimination, religious acts of violence, the Inquisition, killing helpless, self-aware women called witches, were inspired by infallible church. I couldn't also agree with the role of women, that religion teachers tried to put on us. That was appalling. Including all that bla, bla about pre-marriage sex, abortion and the "must" of motherhood. I was fortunate enough that my parents let me choose in high-school whether I wanted to attend those lessons, let me read what I wanted and speak freely about my feelings. So I started looking for some other kind of higher sense, maybe even god, but stripped of lies and hundreds of years of deceit.

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I'm still searching..., although I feel peaceful enough, because I know that my attitude towards other people is always correctly judged by my conscience. It's important to me that I act ethically, that noone is hurt by me. If sometimes I fail to behave what I call right, I always have that gut feeling, which doesn't make me forget I was wrong. Above that, I give myself a free will to think what I want, believe in what I want and live my life according to my own rules. I gave myself a right to live the one and only life I have with the full speed, full pleasure and full spirit I own.