D-Day Tomorrow

Oh, I'm thrilled and excited and scared!

Tomorrow the New Year's Eve and the first playing with the band! I believe we'll make it, as each of us have quite an experience, but nevertheless I always feel that thrill. Today the last rehersal, the time to realise our mistakes that we'll have no time to fix :) My voice is a little bit overstrained but hopefully it'll get better till tomorrow.

So please, send me Your good thoughts and I'm sure they will help!

Thanks in advance!
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May You all have wonderful New Year's fun!

I'm all relaxed! Four free days!

I try to clean my home- it's all rubbish as I had no time for keeping it clean.

Few last days were hectic- work, rehersal, work, rehersal, work ...

Now it's time for me! Nothing more, nothing less.

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And I would wish You all Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

May You all cherish the time spent with family and friends, beacuse the life is all about people!

My Dear Friends

Oh, what an evening! I met few of my friends, with whom I didn't have contact for few years. They are all from my "singing world". We used to be together for couple of years in the singing school, learning voice release, solfege, taking part in singing contests, musical workshops during holidays, giving multiple performances. The bunch of people with the same passion, the same sense of humour. Some of us started acting studies, some went to professional jazz schools, some turned into totally different direction leaving the singing adventure behind them. But for all of us those years spent together will always be a great memory.

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We were all invited to the anniversary concert of the students of our "old" singing school. So many talented people, we were amazed. Especially one of them, of which we'll surely hear in the future. The concert of sentimental memories, meeting teachers we haven't seen for so long and of course friends. We promised each other to meet often from now on and I hope we'll all find time for it.

I say that is the best Christmas present I could get!

Lova ya all!

To Sum Up

The end of year means summing up Your achivements and setting goals for this comming 12 months. I'm quite far from looking further than one month. My plans simply become too fictional than. But definately I like to count the good things that happened to me, the hurdles I managed to overcome, the knowledge I gained. So here I go:

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1. The relationship- the seventh year which was a kind of breakthrough for me- cherishing, understanding, discovering, appreciation.

2. The family- so close and loving, but we lacked time for each other- the thing to change next year

3. The music- a step forward, the set up of the new band, new inspirations!

4. The work- that fits me, which I enjoy, the company I feel a part of.

5. Friends- always the quality time, the people to count on.

6. Many pursues for truth, the year of doubts and spiritual searching but the peace is now in my heart. I'm conciously building my life philosophy.

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Generally, this year made me realise many grave matters and made me wiser a bit, that's for sure!

What colour should be my blog???

Your Blog Should Be Red

Your blog is full of intensity and passion. You are very opinionated - and people love or hate you for it. You have the potential to be both a famous and infamous blogger.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

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I love those foolish tests- some are quite surprising!

My Career

Your Career Personality: Independent, Flexible, and Ingenious

Your Ideal Careers: Astronaut Entrepreneur Lawyer Nightclub owner Photographer Private investigator Real estate developer Stand up comic Venture capitalist Video game developer

The Quick and Dirty Career Test

The Mystery of My Brain

You Are 20% Left Brained, 80% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

There's just ME

If I multiply 2 times 2 is it really, really 4 me

And if I add 5 to get 9 minus 8 that just leaves me

So many times I define my pride through somebody else's eyes

Then I looked inside and found my own stride,

I found the lasting love for me

If I'm searching for my spirituality passionately

I must begin with me

There's just me...

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One is the magic number

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If I add myself unto myself multiplied times you

and yours and you again

There's just me

And if I divide 8 billion, 48 trillion, 98 zillion

There is... there is just me

If I subtract one plus me to the 5th degree, use any theorem

There's just me

There's just me...

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One is the magic number

Me, me, me, me...

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That is the lyrics of Jill Scott's song "One is the magic" from her first album "Who is Jill Scott? Words and Sounds, Vol.1". I adore her voice and lyrisc she writes. There is something totally sweet and sexy about her.

No Snow

I quess my first Christmas without getting gently into the winter. But everything around is so furiously speeding that it's for me highly convenient that I don't get stuck in snowdrifts.

I'm back

I'm back to balance!

Again and Finally!

Tough weekend behind me- no rest- rehersals and recordings. But that's fine- that's the essence of my life now. The rest left behind- friends, all worries seem non-existant- at least for a while.

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Christmas time is here- the cheap christmas atmosphere with carols and Santas on every corner, christmas trees sparkling with colourful lights and presents shopping has arrived. And there's nothing else to do, but give Yourself in, and taste a bit of holiday joy.

Contrary to previous years, we are not hidden in snow but take pleasure in sunny days making the grass greener than in autumn. But well,

the change is a the only constant thing we have in our lifes.

So carpe diem and so long for today!

Trembling

This night I had the most terryfing, disturbing nightmare in my whole life. It was connected with a dream I had months ago in which I somehow found myself in a hospital as a visitor. Walking down the corridor I was spotted by lady working there as a psychologist. I don't know why, but she asked me to help her. She had to tell one family waiting at the hospital, that their relative deceased, and take them to the room, when the corpse was. In such things I'm a total coward. Every death, every burial in the family is for me an experience so emotionally tough, that I have to recover for few weeks, fighting with sadness and fear. That's why I was very reluctunt to help the lady. But somehow she managed to persuade me and though it wasn't a nice experience, I coped with it. The family members were in pain when they saw their dead relative lying on the bed in a darkened hospital room, but I was there to support and give them hope.

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Tonight I once again found myself in that same hospital. Walking down the corridor I encountered the same lady. This time she was to tell me that my Mum died. I was struck! Couldn't speak a word, couldn't make a move, the pain fell upon me, the world around was blurred. All I could see were sad eyes of that psychologist, full of sympathy for me. Than she took me to the same, darkened room I remembered from the previous dream. And there she was- my Mum. I came to bed and hold her in my arms crying, sobbing with sadness and the great loss, and the emptiness that filled my body, remembering all the good moments we had, regretting she'll never see her grandchildren.

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And then I woke up- trembling in the middle of the night. Firstly I felt a relief that it was just a dream, but soon after I burst into cry, tears were falling down, made me choke with sobbing. I couldn't help it. My body inside was so moved, trembling. I felt the pain in my chest and it was hard for me to breath. My body hurt, my heart was pounding, I had chaos in my mind. The physical reaction was so overwhelming, and I couldn't overcome it. All I wanted was to call my parents to make sure they are ok. But I realised it was 4 a.m. and my call would only make them anxious about me. I woke up my Dear and he hold me till I stopped crying. I couldn't go to sleep right away, had to distract with something that would make me calm, and before 6 a.m. I fell asleep on the couch in the living room.

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Writing this I feel the same I felt that night. Sadness, the pain! I can't stop the tears! In few moments I'm going to see my Mum- and gonna hold her tight to make sure she is ok. I feel that somehow that dream changed me. I touched the feelings so grave, so horrific that I will never forget.

And I don't want them to ever come real, I DON'T WANT!!!

Imperfection

There's a crack in everything,

that's how the light gets in.

Leonard Cohen

Nothing and nobody is perfect.

But when the sun shines on You in that warm December morning, that's when the beauty of existance fills all the imperfect cracks.

And nothing can break You down if You believe that this moment is all You have.

Wine Stuff

I like drinking wine, but I'm certainly not a connoisseur. All I know is white, red and whether it tastes good to me. Oh, and I like that slight buzz it gives.

Today we bought the semi-sweet red wine with a slight raspberry flavour. I love raspberries so I waited so anxiously to open the bottle. Ahhh, the delicate flavour of the summer... . The first sip... Shit, unfortunately I'm still no connoisseur... Where are the raspberries? All I taste is WINE!

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Sip by sip

Sweet visitor

The wine drops in

The fun begins

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And the bottle's dry

And it's drop too much

And therre's no more talk

And once more I just drop off

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Global Warming

Unusually warm December- sometimes feeling like the early spring. And I really don't mind. But isn't it an effect of the global warming? Well, as to my impressions, they can be totally subjective, but the facts don't lie. I choose not to believe yet that the world is changing, but unfortunately devastation people do to nature alters the climat. But wouldn't it be great if the term "global warming" meant someting totally different? If it was a warming in people relations?

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"Good Afternoon. Here we come with our today's news. Unbelievable changes are being observed all over the world. Last week not even one case of a homicide was noted. Usually deadly African borders give no signs of fights. Are the tribes getting into understanding? Hopefully they do. That amazing change of attitude seems to resonate not only throughout the whole african continent, but also South America and Middle East. The peace talks between Palestine and Israel finally came to reality. And true democracy and peace are knocking to Iraq's shattered door. Is it only a moment or do we have serious grounds to think about permanent changes? Nonetheless that unusual situation cheers everybody. But many skeptics also raise a question: Isn't it against human nature? The nature to fight, to go forward and expand, to compete? Aren't we loosing it?"

Afternoon Stroll

Location: A post office
Time: Monday afternoon
Me: Amazed

Almost every day after 2 p.m. I take a short stroll. Loaded with envelopes prepared to be send, I walk with no hurry to the nearby post office. It's a time of leisure during the work day. I take my time watching the world around me. Many ideas come to me during that time, when my mind for a moment stops that intense rush and my inner batteries recharge. Step by step, breath by breath I get into my own space.
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Each time I visit the post- office one of the ladies working there constantly amazes me. She's very short (even smaller that me and I certainly ain't a giant), slim and totally into her work. It's incredible to see her stamping the envelopes, sticking the stickers, signing milions of papers. The rush and the energy she puts into it could be split for two people. She reminds me a bee- always in a hurry, or a coliber that moves his wings with an amazing speed. Unlike other workers she is not sitting on the chair as her legs can't touch the ground then. It's funny to see her moving out and about. She is very optimistic and kind, never refuses her help and seems to be the busiest person in the whole office.

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You know, sometimes one stranger can cheer You up- and that's the gift. That lady is surely gifted.

Mellow Friday

I shut my eyes- the sun rays are blinding me and it's ... great! At last the fog is gone and at last it's Friday afternoon. One more coffee at work and off I go!

The best still before me- preparing the menu for tomorrow's party, certainly some reading and evening chillout in the loving arms.

What else can I say- the paradise!

Red Ribbon- we can make a difference

World AIDS Day is dedicated to raising awareness of the global AIDS pandemic caused by the spread of HIV infection. AIDS has killed more than 25 million people, making it one of the most destructive epidemics in recorded history. Despite recent, improved access to antiretroviral treatment and care in many regions of the world, the AIDS epidemic claimed an estimated 3.1 million lives in 2005 of which, more than half a million were children.